The "S" Word

Sorry for the delay in writing. I didn't forget you! I'm back and I sure did miss you!

So what is the "S" word, you ask. Well, it's submission. Now before you cringe at the sound of the word coming off your lips, I want to share with you my own personal journey into true freedom and liberation. Through a week long series of intermittent conversations, a dear friend and I contemplated upon this counter-cultural word. Although both zealous believers, admittedly we were failing in this category. How do you respect someone who doesn't respect you? I mean isn't respect earned? At least that's what we've been told all these years.

The danger in hearing a mantra over and over again is this--it can be mistaken as truth.
But no where in scripture do we find the phrase, "Respect has to be earned." But you will find in the Holy Writ that that we are commanded to give respect and honor--even to ungodly leadership. And in our case, if the leadership happens to be a believer, because they are human, sometimes they fall privy to their flesh and do things that are self-motivated. Yet, that does not relieve us of our responsibility for honor.

I was listening to Pastor Keith Moore (www.moorelife.org). You can download his sermons for free on his website. Anyway, he said that even when you are unable to respect the person, then respect the "place". In other words, respect the position because the position is of God.
And when we respect the place, we won't fall out of grace. I wish I would have grasped this truth, years ago. My professional life would have been a whole lot sweeter!

For me, the battle had been in how I had previously viewed the male leadership within my life. From my perspective they tended to lack something. If it wasn't passion, then it was vision. If it wasn't vision then it was commitment. And if it wasn't commitment then it was spirituality. Subconsciously, I was measuring them against myself thereby making myself not Christ the standard! How haughty is that?!

Being a woman of action, I couldn't wait on men who were plagued with passivity or indecision or doubt. So I leaped ahead of them or prodded or pushed. Is it any wonder why the hail and sleet was leaving me cold and miserable! I was not under the protective covering.

I must have been a sight! And that disdain and critique kept men at a safe distance. Let's say at least a couple of miles or so.

Yet on the inside, I so desperately wanted the man to meet the standard. To meet my expectations. To be strong. To be valiant. Please see me! Please save and rescue me!

But instead of men hearing my silent cry they intercepted another poignant message--disrespect. I remember in college a friend commented that if it weren't for Christ I would be a feminist. That's not something I wanted to be associated with because feminists seemed "independent" just for the sake of being independent. They appeared to lack the softness that a man yearns for in a woman and I didn't want to convey that hard spirit. My friend Lori told me that independence is a spirit. And in today's society it is counter-cultural to resist that spirit. It goes against everything we have been taught.

I mean what is the role of a helpmeet anyway, ladies? I mean, isn't that one of our "core" and essential roles? Within the last year I have discovered that the word used for "helpmeet" referenced in the Book of Genesis and used for the woman is used again but only for one--the Holy Spirit. It absolutely humbles and leaves me utterly speechless to know that God has given me a role that significant, that precious, that influential and that powerful that He would use a word that is uniquely used to describe one of the essential functions of the Holy Ghost! Lord, have mercy!

I am just beginning to grasp...and I mean it's in a fledgling and extremely developmental form..but I am just beginning to grasp this truth: I am an influencer and the man serves as a doer. Similar to how the Holy Spirit is the Helper and we are the doers. The Holy Spirit never usurps nor does he try to take the reins away from man. He gently speaks, impresses upon the heart, nudges but he does not push or dominate. He let's man do. But the Holy Spirit can't help unless he is doing something in which He can come along and help.

All this time, I pushed and dominated. If he wasn't doing it right, then I wanted the reins so that it could be done and done right! I was convinced I was right. But how many of you know you can be right and still be wrong. Your spirit and your motives can be so corrupted with "your way" of doing things and your "need to be right" as the expense of relationship, that you miss the whole crux of the entire matter.

How can that man become comfortable in his own skin and within those "big"shoes he's trying to fill, if I keep tripping him up with my insatiable need for the reins?

Love must be our motivation. Our reason. Our fuel. The God kind of Love is the Greatest Commandment and everything springs from this. And if I will love (respect, admire, esteem, value) the men God have placed within my life, God will make sure that His daughter is taken care of and reaps the rewards of the God kind of Love.

The "S" Word or submission, although hard on the flesh and hard on my self-will, is liberating for the spirit. God's way is always the best and is the better way. How can I be sure, you ask. Because God is love, and Love never fails! Love is not a feeling. Love is a Person. Love is God! And this is my determined resolve--to truly please the Lord by obeying His commandment of Love.

Million Dollar Question:
What does respect look like in practical terms to the male leader(s) in your life, women? The tone of your voice? Eye-contact? How you speak of him in his absence and in his presence? Body language? Who's help can you solicit to serve as a live camera to mirror back to you how you are doing in this critical area?
Men, I don't have any questions for you on this one. Just pray for us. We really do need you in our lives!